This week has been absolutely amazing. For those of you who didn't know, I went to a purity retreat with my youth group this last Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And I didn't really feel nearly as awkward as I thought I might. <_< All the teaching on the topic of abstinence and that one seemingly-forbidden word.... well it was really helpful and interesting and gave me a better perspective about the subject. ^_^ On another level the weekend really deepened my relationship with God. Because they talked about how each of us are beautiful; we are worth waiting for, because the God of the universe made us and loves us just the way we are. One of the students from Generational Leadership ( a Christian college I'm seriously considering attending) was in my cabin too, so it was really cool to learn from her when we had small group time. She's really wise.
Another thing I found at the retreat was intimacy. Here's the true definition:
Intimacy- Knowing and being known by someone, without fear of rejection.
Although most of us (myself included) consider it a very closeness. But really, I think that's what it is.
Anyway, yeah, I really experienced intimacy. Most of the girls in my cabin I knew from youth group but never really got the time to get to know them. But at small group time and at night before bed, we got to open our hearts to each other, and it was really awesome.
Before going to the retreat I had been struggling with God's love. Not that I didn't think that He loved me, cause I knew He did, but it was more like "You're so HUGE!! Why would you care about me so much??" And to be honest I still struggle with that. But that's what make's God's love even more unbelievable. =)
Anyways.
I feel awkward and weird and self-conscious many times at youth group, mainly cause I'm the "different" one, and basically the only home schooler, so I don't have my own cliques that I naturally gravitate toward. So a lot of times I don't feel very special. =P But God used a number of factors, including four of my youth leaders, to show me how special I am to Him.
At the beginning of the weekend I was so excited yearning for Him to reveal Himself to me again. So on the first day our youth pastor told us that "If you chase after God this weekend, He will meet with you. I guarantee it." And I remembered my favorite Bible verse, "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart". And that's where it started.
Not that my ideas have changed about the idea of me getting married, but the teachings that weekend made me see the appeal. How marriage is sacred, and the privileges entitled therein are to be saved for your spouse, who you are to have an intimate relationship with. "And the two shall become one flesh." God created marriage to be a beautiful thing. And how the line that comes from so many teenagers I know.... "He/She completes me". But... no, not really. You need to know who you are and what you stand for before you start seeing anyone. If you don't have boundaries and values set as to what you will and will not do, you'll overstep those boundaries. Take time to find who you are in Christ before you even think about dating.
V_V So yeah. Dating is basically the farthest thing from my desires for my future, but yeah.... I think it's good to know anyway.
When we had the separate large groups they taught the guys the importance of chivalry, and honoring and respecting girls. That's awesome.
On the last night we had this fancy dinner thing..... and it was semi-formal........ Don't freak out..... <_< >_>..........I wore a dress......... *cough* Skirt, actually. v_v And it was this long, almost kinda cool *COUGH* thing.... that I wore with a cloak that I made and my pirate boots. ^_^ And I had a lot of fun! All the leaders served us a 3-course dinner and made everything really special.
But! V_V I changed back into pants as soon as it was over.
And worship that night was AWESOME!!! There wasn't a soul in that building that wasn't experiencing power and healing from God. I received such an authority from Him! I prayed longer and louder and harder and for more things than I think I ever have in my life. My God.... my Father.... my Beloved..... He is amazing.
And a girl I got to know who was in my cabin - her name was Hannah - accepted Christ and received the Holy Spirit! It was so awesome! =D That night she had asked to borrow one of my cross necklaces, but afterward I told her I wanted her to keep it. ^_^
So yup! And that wasn't even half of what happened that weekend. But I suppose ya'll are getting the idea. ;D
Oh and at service on the last morning, we were each given a little box, and we're not allowed to open it. Not until we're married. It's really really tempting to look inside, but that's what makes it worth more then you know that you saved it until it's time. I think that's what they were getting at.
So.... I'm protecting that box with my life.
Hhhmmm..... Well, I guess I'll just leave you with that and save the rest of my story for what will probably be tomorrow's entry, and thus forsake an annoying long post. ^_^ Good night, all.
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