Breaking Halos

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 

~ 1 Corinthians 15:58 NIV

They told us from the start that carpools would be the hardest trial of patience above anything else this year. I think I'm starting to believe them. But hey - at least I have a license and a car to begin with. Thank you, Lord. ;)

What I find ironic, is that the girls in my carpool these past two days have been sort of picking on me for what a careful driver I am. (Something I've never been considered to be before, but maybe Washington driving standards are different...?) It's funny for a while. There are definitely worse faults to have people pick on you for. But then it started playing into different areas of my life, too. They talk about stupid things they've done or been through, and I can't relate to them. If you regret it anyway... then why is it so weird to have spared myself from it in the first place? Is it just expected that everybody goes through a crazy stage and you're an oddity if you're not?

So apparently now I'm "good little Rachel", who always follows the rules and never did anything wrong; who has a perfect relationship with God and will tell you that Jesus is the answer for everything. Until coming here, I never realized how true that must seem of me from the eyes of the outside world. I am a stark contrast, because I actually strive for integrity. Someone even told me not that long ago, "Well of course you would never do anything to upset your halo."

...halo??

I am so not perfect, and I certainly am not good. We all have worked ourselves into a state worthy of hell, and we all need Jesus - nobody any more than the other. Not even me. I wish I could make them see that. I wish they would realize that I'm absolutely no better or different than them - but I'm certainly not missing out on anything. The only difference is that I've chosen to save myself the pain, heartache, and consequences of the same choices that they've made. And the only reason I was able to make those choices is through and because of my relationship with Jesus.

What surprised me about the whole event is that it actually gave me a stronger desire to follow Jesus and strive for his standards even more. Yes, it hurt... I may have cried a few tears on my way driving home.... But I didn't have the desire to change or compromise to be more accepted by my friends and classmates. I wanted to become even more like Him; an even brighter color standing out in this world of grey. I am a person of integrity. I don't compromise to fit in. I keep my promises. I am someone worthy of full trust. And I am genuinely joyful - I don't but on a facade. I strive to Love Jesus with my whole heart, and sincerely Love others he way that He does.
If I'm standing out from the rest, it means I'm making a difference. Something about me is showing that Jesus works and moves, and He is worth more than anything this world can offer.

Now they only see the sheltered girl standing alone. But I pray that soon they'll see the Lion by my side.