Made it safe to my new home in Washington! We met and had dinner with my host parents tonight (they ROCK, btw), and moved all my stuff in. I'm staying one more night with my parents here in the hotel, though. We officially go home with our host families after orientation tomorrow evening.
A few people asked me before leaving if I was nervous... My answer has always been, "not really". I was excited more than anything, and still am. And I guess a lot of it comes from my eagerness to get out of the only main world I've known for all of my 18 years, the beautiful little secluded Libby - and out into something new; rural/city area, new "family", a classroom setting, new friends and experiences, and a huge season of growth in God. I'm still really excited for all of these things.
I've noticed about myself though, that when I'm dreaming about the future, I imagine myself as a different person. I imagine myself as less awkward; that's probably best the way to describe it. When I'm in the future, I fit in, I'm perfectly secure in myself and outgoing, I don't have weird idiosyncrasies... Sometimes my hair is longer, too. I don't worry about what the other students will think of me depending on which outfit I'm wearing - I'm my unique, expressive self and content to be so.
See, the me of the future is the person I want to be.
So yes, maybe I am a little nervous, but I figure these jitters are typical for anyone before they start a program with 20 other people. Sometimes the devil tries to come in and just tear me down before big stuff like this, though. So I need to take what I've learned this far; get my eyes off myself, focus on my Jesus, take His hand and trust him. Nothing else - just trust him.
I read in Collossians 3 the other night that, "the soul is renewed at the knowledge of its Creator".
Ahhh... Isn't that just awesome??
As I conclude this, I think about where I'll be this time tomorrow night. Orientation will likely be ended or wrapping up, then I'm come home with my host mom, to my own room with the queen-sized bed and arrange everything out of my totes and into their new places for the next year. I'll say goodnight to my new family, probably journal some, then fall asleep in that bed, for the first of many nights. I feel so ready for this. So ready, in the sense that I can't wait to take it on. But I know that I'm not ready for a lot of the growth and maturity that some of these upcoming tasks require.... In a lot of analogies, I'm reminded of the Narnia books, where Prince Caspian tells Aslan that he doesn't feel ready or worthy to become king. Then Aslan says, "That is how I know that you are."
I miss a lot of people back home already. Mainly because I'm realizing how little time I'm going to have for communication with them, what with the packed schedule and all the new people with whom I'll be spending my life... But, all things for the glory of those who Love God, who have been called according to His purpose. =) I'm glad for that. All of these things, these people, events... they're bitter-sweet, and they're all blessings. This is all worth it.
Until next time!
~Rach
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