So confused...

Here's what's been on my mind lately.
http://www.thousandfootkrutch.com/audition
So yeah, I've been struggling with this competition. I know if it's God's will for me to win this thing He will make it so, but...what if it's not? What if I don't even make it to the fan favorites? I was just thinking about it last night, and my dad somehow got me to come out with it. I cried....well, for a long time. My dad is an amazing person. He comforted me, but he also scolded me. "You think you're a nobody Rachel, but you're not." He said, and held me sobbing form in his embrace.
But it's not necessarily this competition that's bothering me. I mean, I don't even care for Thousand Foot Krutch all that much. But I guess....I'm afraid of failure. Afraid that I'll never be able to attain my dream, that I'll never be good enough. I know my career is years ahead in my future, but even now it haunts my waking and sleeping hours. Just thinking about it brings my tears back; phantoms that bespeak my weakness and insecurities. My darkest secrets, my deepest fears. I know that my Father has a plan for me so much bigger than my own, but after all these years I'm still having a hard time believing it. It is a constant battle in my mind, and doubtless will be for a while. I'm not even quite sure what and how I feel anymore. Are these tears for joy for the love of my Savior, or tears of torment for a lack of comprehension on my part? Maybe both, maybe neither. For the first time in my life, I don't know what to feel. God, I need you now more than ever.