Beauty in the Broken

"...I ended my first book with [the words] no answer. I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only words; to be led out to battle against other words."

That taken from the last pages of Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis, which I just finished last night... 

And oh my word. Probably the deepest piece of fiction I have ever read. Amazing book. But not for the young of mind or those looking for a light, non-provocative read. I'll still be processing it all for quite a while.

But it's beautiful. Absolutely, imperfectly perfect, in-a-state-of-brokenness beautiful. 



I went to the Montana Assembly of God Fine Arts Festival last weekend. Our worship team did a song. A few vocal solos, songwriting segments, instrumentals... Oh and one of our girls did a sign-language performance, too. ;) 

I got to accompany my darling friend Andrea on her vocal solo with the guitar. Click and be transported here  to listen to her amazingly sweet voice! She did so great. ^_^




Guess I should talk about my songwriting entry now....

Originally I was going to perform Past Disasters, kind of my main one up to this point. But God put my thoughts into words and music a week before Fine Arts, and I ended up finishing a new song two nights before we left. I have the whole thing memorized, but both times I performed it - once for the youth group and once at Fine Arts - I spaced on a line and actually had to stop until I could think of it. o_O Irksome, but ehh..... Jesus grins at mistakes too. 

And what's this? Why, it appears that it was recorded! 
Aaaaaaand lyrics..... Yeah, guess I should put those here too.

Also if you want to make me a little happier and avoid a cringe or two, just stop the video before you hear the last 10 or 15 seconds. That would be great. 

.....I'm serious. v_V

Feel Your Light

I had hoped for a happier entry,

than the one I wrote today

As journal pages wrinkled, 

as tears fell from my face...

"Will you heal me? Do you hear me??"

I'm screaming out again

and for the thousandth time, tonight I cry

myself to sleep again.

How much longer can I wait for your hand?

Am I wrong in doing every thing I can

to heal, to climb, to be made new again?

Do you feel me, do you really understand?

Please help me believe

there's more than I can see

more to this mirror of broken dreams.

Will you hold me tight?

Will you let me cry?

Will you touch my heart, to feel your light?

Another day of brokenness,

I crawl along this road.

My heart is growing sick,

of hoping for more hope.

I need to break out, let it all out

But I am paralyzed

by the gripping fear, that they don't want to hear

another of my cries

Would the answer come, if I just had more faith?

Have I loved this life more deeply than your Name?

Is your purpose part of my pain?

Or am I just the only one to blame?

Please help me believe

there's more than I can see

more to this mirror of broken dreams.

Will you hold me tight?

Will you let me cry? 

Will you touch my heart to feel your light?

Will this season never end,

end when I can fly again?

Still I choose, I will trust you.

Dark is all I see

but you said that you would never leave

and your promises are true.

So please help me believe

there's more than I can see

more to this mirror of broken dreams

Will you hold me tight?

Will you let me cry?

Will you touch my heart to feel your light?

Touch this heart to feel your light. 

What's that? You watched the whole video? 

Yeeeaaahhhh, the voice difficulty - giving out, break, squeak, whatever you want to call it - isn't exactly easy on the ears.... 

I told you. 

But for anyone who ever wondered.... There you have it. Proof than I am, in fact, extremely human. ;) 

The songwriting division is actually judged more on the song itself  than the performance (although performance does help), so I was glad of that. The judges comments were actually all very helpful. Turns out my tempo was terrible, so the metronome has been my buddy this week. ;) 

Afterwards my mentor for a few minutes was actually our worship leader for the weekend; he gave me great advice, encouragement, inspiration, pointers, tips, critiques, even some humor. All I could ask for, really. It actually makes me anxious to start righting another song already. 

There were also some great workshops on leading worship, stage dynamics and stuff... We're all really excited to put it into practice with the worship team here at home. =)

That's all for now! Over and out!