The Royal Heart

Sometimes I feel at a loss as to how to spend time with God.

Well, uh, good morning, Lord... I, um... Don't really have anything to say right now...

Thank you for today...? Thank you for grace...? Be with So-and-So...?

Oh, I haven't read my Bible lately...

Dad, why do I still feel depressed today? What am I missing?!

I sit down to pray, but I feel like I don't know what to say.

Welp, I lashed out at my mom a lot today... I feel like a hypocrite talking to Him or praising him while I've got that going on...

I listened to a sermon instead of actually reading my Bible. Maybe He wanted to speak to me that way instead, and I didn't do it.

Am I missing out on something because I went for a run before class instead of some sort of devotions?

BUT -- 

My Dad is not a Dad who guilts his daughter. He doesn't make me feel bad; instead, He draws me in.

During my GL year I asked our director, Jim, to be a sort of father figure to me. And it was kind of an awkward proces for me to get to know him and figure out how to spend time with him. Sometimes it still feels awkward being around him when I go back to visit, but it's something I fight because I value Jim's relationship in my life.

I think this is at least a little true with nearly every relationship. It may be a bit awkward when you start to get to know someone. You've got to figure out what they like and how to interact with them. We are different in how we interact with different types of people.

And for as long as I've known God, you would think I would know how to interact with Him by now. Or not feel awkward about it, at least. 

The thing is, I've always known He was my Heavenly Father and I was His daughter -- but it wasn't until recently that He put a Daughter's heart in me -- and He became my Dad. 

So in times when I temporarily forget who I am, I go back to a servant's way of thinking. 

My master will be disappointed with me.

I didn't set the table completely.

Oh, maybe should've spent more time scrubbing that shower head.

I hope he doesn't punish me for something I've forgotten...

No. That's not who we are. 

Rather, when you are a Son or Daughter, everything you do for your Dad comes out of Joy and sheer love for who He is, nothing else. You spend time with Him, because He says, "Hey Princess, hey Prince, let's spend some time together. I want to tell you how amazing you are. I am so proud of you." 

True, sometimes Holy Spirit will convict you of an area you need to change. But He will never make you feel guilty. That's not how a Father's heart works. 

So I tell this to others, but it comes from a place of telling myself:

Your Dad is not a dad of guilt. You are not a servant; you are Royal. 



-Rach